Born to Shine

Did you ever feel that feeling like you did not quite belong or “fit in”? You look around and don’t feel like you have much in common with anyone around you. You don’t have quite the same ways of thinking, speaking, acting, or living in general, and it is quite apparent that you are odd man out at every gathering?

I was just reflecting upon a conversation I had the other day with someone who was explaining to me how they never felt like they “fit in” and all of their life they have felt “different”. They always had a deep feeling like something was not right, but they did not know why they felt this way.

I have spoken with a lot of individuals who have come from less than desirable backgrounds and feel this way. They express a feeling of prolonged isolation and loneliness. Usually after listening to them speak about the things that they dislike about the functioning of those around them, it later comes out that they have never felt that they fit in. My staple response usually is…”Be careful where it is you want to fit in”. They do not realize that what they are feeling is not just a desire to fit in, but a desire to connect, be seen, and taken into account by people who have the capacity to do so. Unfortunately they have not had those people around them and their basic needs have not been met in those areas for safety, security, self-esteem, and belonging.

Some individuals live their lives with an unsatiated desire to have these basic needs met, but they keep putting themselves in similar surroundings with individuals who do not have the capacity to function in a healthy manner. Time and time again they unconsciously gravitate towards the unhealthy known.

At what point do you stop trying to fit in to the unhealthy and begin to formulate your new path?

At first that path may feel lonely as well, but the hopefulness of developing a new peer group is worth the temporary discomfort. It’s like being in overgrown fields fighting your way through the bushes, step after step alone, until one day you take a step and all of a sudden you come to an opening where you find different able people. Don’t get me wrong, no matter where we are in life there will be those who are still living toxic lives and it is still up to us to determine and assess who they are.

In this open area you may find much more able people to choose to interact with. Ones who may begin to give you hope that the possibility of having meaningful interactions with others is possible. Having someone genuinely listen to what you have to say and think you are interesting without an ulterior motive has been unheard of. For someone to inquire how you are one day and also remember what you spoke about enough to ask you follow up questions when they see you the next time is mind blowing! You may find that not every person in this open area has the capacity to do all of these things, but you begin to understand that these qualities exist even though they have not been part of your past experiences. Before long, you get used to these types of interactions and begin to raise your personal standards of what you are and are not willing to put up with from others. Life begins to get interesting at this point! Suddenly hope, possibility, and desire has been awakened and the awakening has begun. No longer is there a need to fit in to the unhealthy. Now it’s time to break free from the past. You will no longer settle for less.

It’s time to Wake up and Shine Warrior!